So, Father's Day is coming up, right? As moms around the world shop for something special to give as a gift to the father of their children and help their kids work on cute art projects and cards and such to celebrate his special day, all while also planning something special for their own fathers (and fathers-in-law), I can't help but reflect back to another recent special day....Mother's Day. Personally, I can't complain one bit about the treatment I received this year. My hubby and kids rocked it! Early morning donuts, super-cute cards hand-made by my little guys, late morning brunch, hanging flower baskets for the front and back decks, and a relaxed, geeky evening spent all curled up in bed together watching Star Trek Next Generation reruns...I felt very loved, appreciated, and special. Which is the way it should be for all moms. Which brings me back to the point of this whole diatribe.
The week following Mother's Day, I found myself talking with a neighbor, a very nice man with two small boys and a lovely, hard-working wife. As we made small talk, I asked him if he had spoiled his wife for Mother's Day. His response? Wait for it..... "Well, she's not MY mom!" The moment the words spilled out of his mouth and he saw the look on my face, he knew he had spoken them to the wrong woman. I could see him mentally trying to rewind what had just happened, even as I took a deep breath and prepared to give him the verbal beating he had earned for making that comment. Poor guy. He deserved it, but still...I feel a little bit sorry for him. We're still friends, but the "Wrath of Beth" isn't pretty. Following is a rough, reconstructed transcript of the conversation that occurred:
Me: "What did you just say?!!!"
Him: "Umm....what?"
Me: "Did you just say 'She's not MY mom?'"
Him (In a defensive, whiny little boy tone of voice): "Well, she isn't my mom."
Me: "Is she the mother of your children?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Does she take good care of your little boys and nurture them and cook healthy meals for them and take them to the doctor and teach them how to be good people and have a happy life?"
Him (Miserably): "Um, yes."
Me: "And, does she take good care of you as well? Does she make you feel good and support you and have your back? Does she do something special for you every Father's Day and get the kids to do something special too?"
Him: (Almost inaudibly): "Yes."
Me: "And, do your little boys need to appreciate and respect her for all that she does? Do they need to show her how much they love her and take time out to thank her for being their mom? Hmmmm? How are they supposed to learn that, if you're not modeling it for them?!!"
Him: "Um..."
Me: "And, here's another thing! There are 5 days minimum where you need to make an extra effort to show love and appreciation to your wife."
Him: "Five?"
Me: "One -- Her birthday. Two -- Your anniversary. Three, Mother's Day. Four, Christmas or Hannukah, if you celebrate it. Five, Valentine's Day."
Him: "But those are just--"
Me: "If you are even thinking of saying that those are just holidays invented by greeting card companies to make money, you'd just better zip it right now! Doesn't your wife deserve to be celebrated and appreciated on at least 5 days every year? Shouldn't she be able to count on a little extra love and effort on just 5 days? 5 days out of the 365 days she spends taking care of you and your family? And, so what if greeting card companies are making money on it? They make it easy for you -- You get reminders, gift ideas, and you can even buy a card that says all the loving things she deserves to hear but you don't ever say! Seriously! There's NO excuse!"
Him: "Uh --"
Me: "And, one more thing....You'd better not stop celebrating her on Mother's Day when the kids are grown up and gone. She is still the mother of your children, and you owe her love and gratitude for the rest of your life for all of the blood, sweat, and tears she has poured into helping you raise them!"
Him: "I feel really bad. I used to be more romantic."
Me (No mercy!): "You should feel bad. Fix it! Take her out for a nice dinner or something. Better yet, you and the boys clean the house, do all of the laundry and empty the dishwasher. Then, hire a sitter and take her out to her favorite restaurant. And, start being romantic and appreciative on those 5 days, at least. You'll end up reaping the benefit in the long run. You know it's true."
Him: "I know. I'm gonna do it."
Me: "Good! You'll feel better too."
He sort of slinked away, shoulders down, looking like a guilty little kid, while I stood there full of righteous frustration for moms everywhere. Later, he came and told me that he did take her out to dinner and apologized for not celebrating her on Mother's Day. Baby steps...
So, I fight the fight for moms around the world! (And, by the way, it's just as important for us to celebrate and acknowledge our partners on those 5 days, at least. So, before you go getting all cocky, none of us are off the hook...)
Happy Romancing!
Cheers!
-Beth
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