Saturday, July 31, 2010

Alternative uses for underpants....

"What do you think of our hats, Mommy?"
"Nice hats, huh?"
"You put one on, Mommy!"
"Yeah. Put one on!"
"Come ON Mommy!"
(giggle, giggle)

Did I put underwear on my head?
The world will never know...


Friday, July 30, 2010

Out of the mouths of little boys...

So, all four of us -- Spence, Fos, Daddy, & Mommy -- went swimming at the Y yesterday. Afterwards, we were crammed into one of those teeny little family changing rooms. You know the ones I'm talking about? The rooms so small that you're literally bumping elbows and knees (and every other body part) while you try to get everybody showered and dressed and out the door? It sounds a little like this:


"Mommy! Where's my flip-flop? I can't find my other flip-flop!"

"HEY, quit stepping on my underpants!"


"My bathing suit fell off the hook."

"Honey, can you hand me my bra?"

"It's not in here."

"Yes, it is. Look under your pants."

"Oh, there it is."

"MY EYES!!!!!!"

"My bathing suit fell off the hook again."

"Where's my shirt? Hey -- That's not YOUR shirt! That's MY shirt! Take it OFF!"

"I'm HOT! Why is it so HOT in here?"

"Yeah, I'm sweaty. I need to get back in the shower again."

"Who thought swimming was a good idea today?"

"Put your shorts on."

"I still can't find my flip-flop!"

"He's touching me!"

"My bathing suit fell off the hook again."

Etc., etc., etc...

Anyway, in the midst of this chaos, Fos turns to me and says,

"Mommy, what's that thing called that girls have but that boys don't have? You know? Boys have penises and girls have that other thing? What's that called again?"

Now, we've always used correct terminology in this household -- no nicknames for private parts, like Pee-Pee or Hoo Haw or anything like that. So, I know that he knows what this particular body part is called. So, I try to prompt him a little, without giving it away:

"Well, boys have a penis, and girls have a vvvvvvvvvv......" (I start making the "v" sound, to give him a hint.)

"I KNOW! I KNOW!...Girls have a VENUS!!!"

I don't know why this was so funny, but all four of us dissolved into totally uncontrollable giggles at this statement. Spencer and Foster started chanting, "Boys have a penis, girls have a venus!" over and over again, while John and I just looked at each other, helplessly laughing.

Ya gotta love kids! And, now I'm always going to think of myself as having a "venus". heh, heh...


Friday, July 23, 2010


Barack Obama is amazing. In less than 2 years, he's managed to work with one of the most divisive, immature, and politically-motivated congresses in history to keep us out of a depression and start to reverse the recession brought on by 8 years of mis-management under George W., single-handedly began to significantly undo the damage done to America's global reputation over the past 8 years under George W., pass sweeping health care legislation, reform Wallstreet to protect all of our investments, make significant progress toward repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", and that's just a start.

He's amazing. Totally amazing.

So, I'll say it again: I love my President, and I don't care who knows it!!!

Congress, on the other hand, makes me want to throw up. Grow up, folks. Let's get it done!


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Suncatchers are NOT for Sissies!

I kid you not. There's a reason it says "Age 8+" on those damn things. Believe it! I think it should be more like "Age 28+".  So, to all the Grandmas and Grandpas, who see a suncatcher kit and think to themselves, "I betcha my 5 and 6 year old grandsons would LOVE to make suncatchers with their Mommy!" -- DON'T DO IT! If you love the mother of your grandchildren at all, you will not buy the suncatcher kits.

Why? I'll tell you why...

Because, even if you have the most patient, creative, focused young children on the planet, you, the Mommy, will end up at the kitchen table, alone with your tweezers, finishing the suncatchers your children gave up on after 15 frustrating minutes of trying to get the hundreds of itty bitty, teeny weeny, little color beads into the various nooks and crannies of the mold. And, at some point during this laborious task, one of your children is bound to knock into the table, sending the hundreds of itty bitty, teeny weeny, little color beads flying in all directions, forcing you to start over. And, you don't dare give up on the project, because your kids can't WAIT to see the suncatchers hanging in the window, catching the light and casting rainbows onto your kitchen cabinets. They are SO excited, because Grandma and Grandpa sent them this fun, fun, project to do. They don't want to actually finish it, because it's too hard and requires the patience of a nun. But, they are desperately excited about the end result (which you will be providing). So, as much as you'd like to pick up the cookie sheet, the suncatcher molds, and the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of itty bitty, teeny weeny little color beads and and hurl them all into the can't. You must persevere for the sake of your children.


The things we do for love.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Ever had one of those days where you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and think, "Hey. I look pretty good. Pretty. Damn. Good."??? Well, these days seem to occur less and less frequently as time marches across my face, but, this morning was one of those rare good ones.

Seriously. I looked in the mirror this morning, and I looked good. My wrinkles seemed less wrinkly. My hair looked fuller and shinier. Those strange, perimenopause zits that keep appearing on my chin had completely disappeared. Even my pores seemed smaller and tighter. Woo hoo! So, I gave myself a big smile and a mental pat-on-the-back, as I reached for my toothbrush.

That's when I realized why I looked so good...

I hadn't put in my contacts, yet.


Monday, July 12, 2010

"Hey, Mommy! Mommy! We made sandwiches. Come eat one!"

Any mother reading this right now (particularly if she is, like me, a mother of young sons), is cringing slightly at what might be coming...I swear, it's not that bad. No slugs or other creepy crawlies. No leaves, twigs, dog hair, or dirt. No items that do not actually qualify as "food"...

So, here's how it all happened. I feel like crap today. Don't know if it's something I ate, or a lack of sleep, or a summer cold coming on...Could just be that I'm going so crazy, now that I'm in my 7th week of being in a cast, that my body is just giving up and saying, "Hey, if you can't go anywhere or do anything, anyway, you may as well just be sick!" Anyway, I just woke up feeling really crummy. Headache. Yucky tummy. Overall aches and pains. So, I did what any self-respecting sick Mommy does -- I bribed my children with promises of a late-morning viewing of "Bolt", if they would play nicely for a while, while I tried to rest. Well, to my great surprise, my boys really rose to the challenge. Yes, there were a few arguments, but they resolved them on their own, without bloodshed this time, and they actually played together very well from about 7am to 10:00am, while I semi-napped on my bed. Thank goodness for small miracles!

Then, I got the call...

"Mommy! Come here!"

"Hey, Mommy! Mommy! We made sandwiches. Come eat one!"

"For real, Mommy! We cooked. You can have one too!"

Oh, boy. Wincing in anticipation of what I might find, I grabbed my crutches and headed up the hallway to the kitchen. Dum da dum dum... There, I found my boys, each holding a HUGE bag of bread, big grins on their faces. (They had used an entire loaf-and-a-half of bread!) On the counter was our block of cheese, which had been hacked into pieces with (gasp) one of the sharp knives my boys are forbidden to use without parental supervision. My visceral reaction, after checking to make sure both boys had all of their fingers, was to holler at them for using the knife without me. But, then Spencer looked up at me with big eyes and a shy little smile and said, "Mommy, I was very, very careful with the sharp cutting knife. I wanted to make you cheese and cookie sandwiches. Want one?" And Foster piped in with, "And I didn't use the sharp knife at all, 'cuz I'm too little." How could I yell at them after that, I ask you? So, a firm, but gentle reminder that they are never to use the sharp knives without Mommy or Daddy, even for surprise sandwiches, was all they got. Then, I noticed the other sandwich ingredients on the counter. Pieces of mashed up banana. Ginger snap cookies. Whipped cream. And, there was an odd, familiar odor in the air, that I just couldn't place...

"What's that weird smell you guys?"

"What weird smell?"

"It smells funny in here. What else did you use in your sandwiches?"

"Oh. That was the sauce we were gonna put on the sandwiches. But, it didn't taste good. It's in the sink."

I looked in the sink. There was reddish-orange liquid, mixed in with whipped cream, splashed all over it.

"What IS that?!"

"We told you, Mommy. It's the sauce. But, it wasn't good."

"What did you use to make the sauce?"

"This red stuff!" (Spence reached into the refrigerator and pulled out...Tabasco sauce. Yep, I have no doubt that Tabasco and whipped cream sandwiches did NOT taste good!  Thankfully, I didn't have to find out.)

So, for a mid-morning snack, today, Spence munched on ginger snap cookie and cheese sandwiches, I added some peanut butter to the mashed banana sandwich for Fos, ate a couple of bites of cheese, and forced down one bite of the whipped cream sandwich that Foster had made "...Just for you, Mommy, because you LOVE whipped cream so much! It's to make you feel better."

Needless to say, I'm still feeling crappy (especially after the whipped cream sandwich). But, I had a good belly laugh with my boys this morning, and that's the best medicine there is, eh?


Saturday, July 3, 2010

You're Six?!!! How did that happen???

Spence turned 6 years old today. Sigh. It's not that I really mind the passage of time, because it seems like every stage in my boys' lives is more fun than the stage before (with new, surprising challenges to go with each one). But, how is it possible that 6 whole years have gone by since I first held my little guy in my arms? Seriously! No wonder I'm so tired. The last 6 years have been a blur...

Now, someday, I hope my sons will read this online journal of mine, and then they'll really know how nuts their Mom was/is. With that in mind, this is for you, Spence. Just a little snapshot of you, at the tender age of 6 (sniff, sniff, sob):
  • You are in CONSTANT motion! People use words like "busy" and "energetic" to describe you, when they're really thinking "Does this boy EVER slow down?!!" Your philosophy seems to be "Why walk, when you can run?"
  • You are very, very skinny. Partly because you run everywhere. Partly because you are an incredibly picky eater! And, partly because you have a metabolism like a humming bird. You actually lose weight overnight and wake up a couple of pounds lighter than you were the night before. Then, you have to eat all day to put the weight back on. How come that can't happen to me??? Doesn't seem fair...
  • You love to play with other people, but you also need your "alone time". It's very important to you. Your favorite thing to do, when you need a little time by yourself, is to take one of my kitchen spoons (especially the slotted spoon) and disappear into your bedroom or the office with it. You have an incredible imagination, and you pretend that spoon is everything from an archery bow to a spaceship to some sort of ray gun. It's a total blast to listen outside the door to you humming tunes to yourself and making cool, mystery noises. You will sometimes play for an hour or so, all by yourself, happy as a clam with your spoon. But, you are shy about other kids knowing that you love to play imagination games with a spoon, so you won't let us talk about it when you have friends over....
  • You adore chocolate! Absolutely love it. Your birthday cake for today is, of course, chocolate cake with chocolate icing. And, you are one of the messiest eaters I've ever seen (followed closely by your Daddy). So, everytime you eat chocolate, you somehow manage to get it all over your cheeks, in your hair, and all over your lap, the table, your chair, the floor...
  • You're a really great reader. You've just fnished Kindergarten, but you're reading at a second grader's level. You're just a natural, and we're so proud of you and so happy that you love to read as much as we do! Your handwriting, on the other hand...
  • You are a world class snuggler with Mommy and Daddy, but you are very choosy about who else you'll hug or kiss or snuggle. You are not the kind of boy who just runs up and freely hugs friends and family members. You have to feel really safe and secure and happy with them before you'll just offer up your affection. We have always respected that, and we never force you to hug or kiss anyone, even family. Well, OK, we did tell you that you have to hug your little brother after he gave you a Bakugan Yo-Yo for your birthday today...
  • Right now, your absolute favorite thing to do is to ride your bike. Rain or shine, around and around and around our cul-de-sac. I think, though, that riding your bike is about to be eclipsed by riding the Razor scooter you just got from us for your 6th birthday. You are bursting with excitement about it, so I'm going to wrap this up, so we can go try it out...
I love you, peanut. Happy birthday!