Saturday, May 31, 2014

A few new ones for the Bill of Rights...

Americans talk a lot about rights. Right to free speech, right to vote, right to bear arms (don't get me started on that one -- Guns in playgrounds, libraries, and bars? Really? A rant for another time...), etc. I think, in this new age of selfishness and narcissism, we should all have some new rights. Rights that help to protect us from the rudeness, insensitivity, and stupidity of those around us. (Or, at least make us feel a whole lot better!)

For example:

Shouldn't I have the right to run over the idiot who walked right out in front of my car, without even looking up from the cell phone on which she was furiously texting? Seriously, shouldn't I? It wasn't even a crosswalk, people. Just a curb on a busy street. I had to SLAM on my breaks, scaring the hell out of myself and my little guys. She didn't even look up from her phone. C'mon, should I really be blamed? Really? My fault, or hers?

If a guy throws his disgusting, smelly, smoking cigarette butt onto the sidewalk right in front of me and my little boys as we're walking into Crazy Mike's to rent a movie (Yes, we still do that local business right? It's not ALL about Netflix, people! Engage with the world! I digress....), do I have the right to pick it up, run up to him, say, "Hey, buddy, you must have accidentally dropped this litter on the planet we all share. I'm sure you actually meant to throw it away, 'cuz you couldn't possibly be that selfish and you go!" and hand it back to him, preferably burning ember side first??? Or, better yet, follow him to his house and dump my trash on the floor of his living room?

If I'm waiting in line behind a young woman at the grocery store, after a long, hard day at work, and her turn comes up, but she continues to just stand there yakking on her cell phone about the "fat, hairy, OMG, you have no idea how disgusting he was!" guy she went out with last night while the checker and I just stare blankly at her, waiting for her to pull her head out of her a** (yeah, true story), shouldn't it be within my rights to just walk around her and take my turn? Or, "accidentally" just slam into the back of her legs with my shopping cart? A slightly more violent alternative...

If a neighbor stands in his front yard, talking and laughing with his buddies, while his dog runs into our front yard and drops a big, heaping, steaming pile of poo in the middle of it -- while he stands there and watches -- and then he just goes back inside his house, do I have the right to pick up that steaming pile of poo with a shovel and spread it around on his front doorstep, so that HE can be the one to step in it, instead of one of my kids?

I'm thinking that I might be on to something here. Reasonable, courteous people of the world unite! Let's demand our right to live in a world where people actually give a rip about those around them, or at least suffer some consequences if they don't, eh? Who's with me???

Cheers!  Beth

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