Thursday, December 2, 2010

A few burning questions about husbands, kids, life, and such...

1. Why would my husband rather spend all day in the dark than open the blinds to let in a little light? Is it a "Man Cave" thing? Does he not notice that it's dark in the house? How can he just happily go about his business, knowing that natural light is waiting right outside the windows, just a few feet from where he's sitting/standing/eating/watching TV/playing video games/drinking coffee?

2. Where's Robin Hood, when you really need him, huh? I mean, look at the state of our country (if you can do so without bursting into tears or spontaneously combusting). What we really need is a hero to come riding in on his horse, take some of that money all the super-rich are hoarding (and continuing to somehow earn and earn and earn, even while the rest of us hard-working folks are victims of this endless recession) and distribute it a little more equally to the people who need it the most. And, he can do it all while being charming, witty, intelligent, and still finding a little time to make merry. Sounds like a good idea, doesn't it? Oh, wait. Maybe President Obama is Robin Hood...Perhaps he just needs a bow and a quiver of arrows. Or a horse. Or a few less horse's asses in Congress.

3. Why do boys, of all ages, think farting is so funny? I mean, they seem to actually come out of the womb thinking flatulence is hilarious. It's gas coming out of your rear end. And, sometimes it stinks. Call me crazy, but I just don't get it.

4. Why do husbands say things like, "I made plans for us, honey. Can you figure out somebody to take care of the kids?", and then wonder why their wives want to smack them upside the head instead of leaping for joy at their romantic gesture? I hate to break it to you, guys, but we don't exactly feel swept off our feet, when we still have to arrange for childcare. Walk over to the phone list and call the babysitter yourselves! Now, THAT would be a romantic gesture! THAT would pretty much guarantee that you'd be getting some extra lovin', if you know what I mean. Extra. Special. Lovin'.

5. Why do so many smokers think that throwing their cigarette butts onto the sidewalk (or out the window of their car, or in the park, or next to some little kids' playground) isn't actually littering? I know, I've ranted about this particular topic, before. But, it's not like it's getting any better, right? A cigarette butt just hit the windshield of my car this afternoon, after being tossed out the window of the car in front of me. Anyway, would these inconsiderate folks feel the same way if I dumped, say, all of my used kleenex in their front yard? "Oh, relax. It's not really litter. I just used it to clean boogers out of my nose. Boogers are biodegradable, right? Surely you don't mind me throwing these in your front yard, since you just dropped your cigarette butts all over the public sidewalk where my kids ride their bikes. Right? I mean, it's a free country, right?"

6. Since religious groups are so involved in making policy and promoting home-grown, hand-picked politicians these days, in spite of the founding father's wise regulations regarding separation of church and state, shouldn't they be paying taxes, just like all the other businesses? And, if you think about it, if churches paid taxes, wouldn't that pretty much eliminate the deficit right there? Hmmmmm....Oh, and I can't claim any sort of personal brilliance for this sentiment, because I've seen it on bumper stickers and magnets. But, think about it. We all know, regardless of our personal religious beliefs, that religion, in all of its forms, is big business. Think how much really productive money could be generated, if they just bucked up and paid taxes? Talk about really supporting your neighbors, eh?

7. How come the minute you feel like you're finally getting ahead of your bills, your car breaks down, or your roof springs a leak?

8. What did I ever do to deserve such wonderful parents, amazing kids, a patient partner who continues to love me, steadfastedly, through good times and bad, supportive friends, a career I feel passionate about, an inquisitive mind, and a life that has been rich in laughter and love and adventure? I am so lucky!



  1. OMG, what IS that about sitting in the dark all day long??? I've actually taken to opening all the blinds in the house when I leave for work in the morning just so my child actually sees the light of day. I so don't get it. Maybe you're right, maybe it is the Man Cave thing. Well, look around, man...there are children here too! lol

    And oh hell yes the deficit could be solved if religious groups paid taxes. When I look around here at the Mormon church (which I'm not a member of) I imagine they are wealthy beyond works, much like the Roman Catholic church at the peak of the Renaissance!

  2. YAY! I am not the only one with a husband who does the "man cave" thing. Thanks for relating, Noelle. Cheers!