Saturday, December 11, 2010

You're a mean one, Grinchy - Grinch!

I just came from the grocery store. I could probably just write that one sentence, and that would be enough. I mean, anyone who has set foot in any sort of store since Thanksgiving knows the significance of those 7 words. "I just came from the grocery store." Translation:  "Someone please pour me a huge glass of wine, right friggin' now!"

Why? Because the stores are packed full of Grinches. They may not be green, but they're surly, with mouths pinched tightly closed, brows drawn together into deep scowls, and lips drawn up into nasty sneers. They come in all ages, shapes, and sizes, but the expressions are always the same. And, they move lightning-fast, these Grinches, closing in on their desired purchases with a hunter's instinct. Using their baskets and shopping carts as weapons, knocking aside small children, exhausted Moms, and other Grinches in their effort to beat the competition.

As joyful holiday tunes fill the air, these awful people run over toes, snarl at harried cashiers, snatch objects right out of the fingers of innocent people who came into the store happily whistling along to the music, and now just wish they could go back in time and stay home, even if it means that they have to live without bread and milk until 2011. Today, I observed a 50-ish woman, dressed head-to-toe in Christmas wear, from her red and green sweater with the snowman on the front, to the snowflakes dangling from her earlobes (how jolly!) speed up, almost to a jog, so that she could cut right in front of a little old couple who were making their way into the checkout line with about 3 items in their basket. She swooped in ahead of them to begin unloading her own, overflowing shopping cart. The young, exhausted-looking cashier looked up at her and said, "Hello, how are you?" The Grinch-Woman didn't even acknowledge her. This woman, like so many other holiday shoppers, in their annual quest to fill their houses with goodies and to lavish their loved ones with gifts, demonstrate the ultimate in selfishness, egocentricity, and just plain Grinchy-ness. Ahhh, the irony...

I hope they accidentally sit down on the spiky end of a holly bush.



  1. I like to pretend I'm going to run over people with my grocery cart and then swerve at the last minute.