Sunday, February 26, 2017

I'm having an affair with Oscar!

I LOVE THE ACADEMY AWARDS! I do. I know that spending any amount of time gawking at celebrities and hearing "Dahling, you look mahvelous! Who are you wearing?" gushed over and over and over again by sugary-sweet, ass-kissing celebrity reporters is most likely killing brain cells and lowering my IQ. But, I care not! I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!! I have a whole Oscar day routine. I stock up on Nacho Cheese Flavor Doritos (the best chip ever invented, and no one will ever be able to convince me differently, so don't even try), as well as a bottle of diet coke, a package of red vines, jelly beans, and, most importantly -- CHAMPAGNE! Not real champagne, of course, because only the celebrities I'm watching can actually afford the real stuff. But, Barefoot Bubbly Pinot Gris is delicious and budget-friendly, so I can get TWO bottles. Anyway, just before the red carpet starts, I banish my husband and boys from my bedroom, light up the cinnamon potpourri, take a hot bath or a shower and have my first glass of champagne. Then, I put on my silky pajamas, rub my feet and toes with luxurious lotion, slam a diet coke, open up the Doritos and red vines (saving the jelly beans for later in the show), and pour my second glass of champagne. I quickly text my friends, who know how much I LOVE Oscar Sunday and text me throughout the show ("Can you believe that dress?" "Did he really just say that?" etc., etc...), and then I snuggle into bed to watch the red carpet. The red vines and the first bottle of champagne are usually gone by the time the actual show starts, if I'm on track!

Now, if this sounds fun to you, and you're thinking you may want to join in on this fabulous yearly tradition, I have a few tips for you: 

TIP #1
It's essential that you get your significant other and/or children their OWN SNACKS. That way, they don't bug you for some of your treats during the show AND they totally support your alone-time every year, because they know that they are also going to benefit from your  Oscar bedroom vacation. (I also make sure to give my kids a small bowl of my Doritos and a couple of red vines, and I pour my hubby one glass of champagne -- It never hurts to be generous, eh? And, it seems to guarantee that they'll leave me alone during the show.) 

TIP #2
During the red carpet, if you switch back and forth between the Canadian channel AND the U.S. channel, you can miss almost all of the commercials and maybe get a little more celebrity action. 

TIP #3
Eat light the day before and the day of the event. Otherwise, the junk food and liquor could leave you feeling guilty the next day. And, it's important to hydrate on the commercials, so you're not nursing a hangover on Monday morning at work. 

You can always work up to your Oscar routine by warming up with a Golden Globe Awards bedroom vacation earlier in the year. I highly recommend it. 



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