Thursday, May 6, 2010

A visit to the lovely state of...denial!

I'm a counselor, so I know that denial can be a bad thing. You have to get past denial to really deal with your issues, right? Well, I also firmly believe that it can sometimes be therapeutic to live in denial for a bit. So, that's where hubby and I have been living for the last couple of days...the state of denial.

Denial of what?

Denial that John is going to be laid off for the second time in three years, because short-sighted people in our community didn't want to approve an incremental tax increase that would save our public transit system. This, I could go on and on and on about, but that's a subject for another time (or for a drunken rant with sympathetic friends)...

Denial that, because of his upcoming layoff, I have to have my (second) ankle surgery a month sooner than originally scheduled, to make sure everything is covered by our health insurance before we lose it to his layoff or to a miraculously-occurring new job that could materialize out of nowhere but might not provide full coverage for the surgery...

Denial that, moving the surgery a month earlier means that I will miss the last 3 weeks of the school year, losing crucial time with students I care deeply about and with friends and co-workers who are moving on to different buildings next year...

Denial that I now have to cram two months' end-of-the-year work into my remaining 3 weeks before surgery, meaning that I have to spend countless hours working my ass off outside of the work day to get it done. Precious hours I should be spending having active fun with my boys before I'm back on crutches and in excrutiating pain...again. (Did I mention this is Round Two of the ankle surgery merry-go-round???)

Denial that we've only just started to rebuild our finances from the first layoff, and now we're going backwards once again...

Now, here's the thing about denial...It can be hard to fully embrace denial, when you're surrounded by all of the regular, everyday pieces of your deteriorating life, right?

So, we left town.

Took care of some pre-surgery stuff, first, and then headed down south to blow money we no longer have on two wonderful days spent in Nirvana (more commonly known as Great Wolf Lodge -- the world's coolest indoor water park). We played and played and played some more in our climate-controlled oasis, while the weather raged outside and the rest of the world went on with their everyday lives. We drank wine, stayed up too late, ate Fruit Loops with the kids, laughed our heads off, and enjoyed every second of it. (OK, there was the one time on the family raft ride, where the raft got turned around so I was facing backwards. Never a good thing, when you're prone to motion sickness. It took me 20 minutes of peaceful floating in the wave pool before my stomach stopped churning...I know, I know. Poor little me, right? Forced to endure peaceful floating. Life is rough.)

Anyway, our visit to Denial Land had to end. And, boy, did it end with a bang. First, there was the 11-car pile-up on the way home. Thankfully, we weren't caught in the accident, just the aftermath. Still, it added 2 hours to the trip home. (We knew it couldn't be good when 5 tow trucks drove by on the side of the highway. Luckily, no one was killed or even seriously injured, according to the news that night.)

Then, there was the first day back at work after being gone. Brutal. I could work 24 hours a day until surgery day, and I still wouldn't get it all done. This was followed by the usual mad dash to pick up both little boys, followed by about 4 more hours of work at home, as the boys said things like "MOMMY! Why are you doing so much work? Play with us!" "Yeah, Mommy. How come you're not playing with us?"

Then, there was my ultrasound yesterday. Trying to figure out some "girlie issues" that are going on, including cysts on one of my ovaries. Anyway...too much information. But, picture this, if you can. I'm wearing only my sweatshirt and socks, a hospital gown wrapped around my waist. My (thankfully female) ultrasound technician has finished the exterior portion of the ultrasound and moved on to the interior portion of the exam (if you know what I mean). I'm cringing and bearing it, because, what choice do I have, right? Then the fire alarm goes off. I'm not kidding. Fire - friggin' - alarm. I looked at her and said, "I don't care what you say, I'm not going out there without my pants on."

As if that wasn't enough of a re-entry to reality... This morning, I was dropping little Foster off in his pre-school class, chatting with the teacher about his latest behavioral issues, when one of the front desk ladies came in with a worried look on her face and said, "Beth, there's something I have to tell you. The landscaper who was mowing the lawn by the parking lot just accidentally broke one of the windows on your van."

Oh, yes. 10 minutes before I'm supposed to be at work across town...Front passenger side window --totally shattered!

As for any leftover "zen" feelings from our trip to the state of denial? Also totally shattered. Sigh.



  1. Hang in there, dear girl. Your friends are here, don't forget!

  2. Thanks, Steph. I won't forget, and I promise I won't be too proud to ask for help this time around...Cheers!