How to make rain...

Step One: Beg your husband to sand and stain the decks. Offer to take the boys somewhere out of town for the entire day, so they won't be in the way, saying, "Daddy, Daddy. Whatcha doing? Can I help? Huh? Can I help? What's that for? What's that? Can I help? Hey, Daddy. Oooohhh, that looks sharp. Can I touch it? Huh? Can I? Can I help? If I drink this brown stuff, will I get sick? It's poison, huh? Cool! We should put a Mr. Yuck sticker on it. Can I touch it? How about that? Can I touch that? Can I help?" etc., etc...

(This step, all by itself, often results in a light sprinkle or maybe extra-heavy dew accumulation overnight. It's not usually enough to ensure a real downpour. So, move on to Step Two.)

Step Two: When your beloved hubby has sanded and stained the decks, and they now need 24-36 hours to dry, take your children and dogs outside via the garage (since there's no other way to exit the house without walking on one of the freshly-stained decks), and loop around the path to the backyard, so the kids and dogs can frolic in the back. While you're there, decide that it would be a good idea to water the poor, dehydrated plants which you've been pretty much ignoring all summer. Really, really give them a thorough watering, because rain isn't in the forecast for quite some time. While you're at it, let your little boys strip naked and run through the sprinkler. The giggles, alone, are priceless, let alone the sight of two skinny, naked little boys sprinting around the yard and leaping over the sprinkler heads yelling, "Woohoo!" at the top of their lungs.

(In case Step One and Step Two do not result in the promised rain, move on to Step Three. It's guaranteed.)

Step Three: As you watch your little ones frolicking in the yard, think to yourself, "Wouldn't it be fun to try camping in the backyard tonight? After all, it's a hot day, and it would feel good to sleep outside. The boys would love it. I wonder if I can put up that huge family tent all by myself? I bet I can. How hard can it be? I'm gonna do it!" Then, you enter the garage and spend half an hour looking for all of the tent stuff that's buried behind Christmas decorations, that box of macaroni and cheese you bought at Costco 6 months ago and forgot all about, multiple pairs of snow boots, and miscellaneous other stuff. You drag it all back out through the garage, down the path at the side of the house, and into the back yard ('cuz you can't walk on the #@!!*&# decks yet), spread everything out, and open the instruction manual to figure out where to start on this humongous tent, which you've never put together without your hubby there to help. It even says right there on the directions that you need two people to put up the tent. Bah! Who am I to pay attention to that? I can be a Super-Mom, right? I can do anything I set my mind to, right? Right? SIGH. So, we continue with Step Three... Spend the next hour wrestling with tent poles, tarps, and that flappy thingie that goes over the top of the tent and attaches with, like, twenty-five ropes and hooks and such. Do all of this while the boys dance around you, picking up pieces you need, "fighting bad guys" with the tent pegs, and chattering nonstop: "Mommy. Hey Mommy. Putting up the tent, huh? We're gonna camp today. We're gonna camp today. What's this? What's that thing? Can I help? Can I help? Woohoo, we're gonna camp today. Can I go inside now? Why not? Why? How come? Now? Can I go inside now? How about now? Why? Mommmmyyyyyyy....Why? What's this for? Ooh, there's a squished bug in the tent. Cool!" etc., etc. (The exact reason I took the kids out-of-town while Daddy worked on the decks. SIGH AGAIN.) When the tent is finally up (Yes, I DID IT!!!), wipe away the sweat that is pouring down your face and enlist the kids to help you bring blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, stuffed animals, and storybooks from the house to the tent. Spend another half hour setting everything up, pour yourself a drink, then sit back to enjoy watching your excited little boys run around the tent, zip and unzip the windows, jump in and out of their sleeping bags, talk to their stuffed animals about camping, pretend to make a campfire out of sticks in the yard, etc., etc...

Now that you have completed all three steps...Wait for the skies to darken and the thunder to begin. Oh, yes. Not just rain. Thunder and lightning. It shouldn't take long. It only took about 45 minutes yesterday. Then, be ready to pull out the popcorn and a Disney move, because your kids will be completely devastated that they can't camp overnight in a raging thunderstorm, and your terrified dogs will literally be climbing into your lap for comfort. But, don't feel too bad. After all, your decks will dry out eventually, and they'll look fabulous. You managed to put up the family tent all alone, so now you know you can do it if you have to. And, you did something good for the environment by making it rain. Cheers!