Thursday, March 29, 2012

Hey Universe? Quit crapping on my head!

You know how sometimes in life, it just feels like the universe is taking a big, fat, smelly, crap all over your head? And, sometimes, it feels like it's been crapping on your head for, say.....the last four years? Just one thing after another? Now I know that other people have WAY bigger piles of crap on their heads than mine. But, this is my blog, so I get to vent about my own little pile. 'Cuz it still stinks!

First pile of crap:  Hubby gets laid off. A week after Christmas.

Second pile of crap: Surgery resulting in 7 months on crutches or in a wheelchair. (While hubby is now working weekends and evenings, so you are left to single parent a 2 and 3-year old by yourself. In a wheelchair.)

Third pile of crap: Hot water heater literally explodes, while you are home alone, on crutches, with the two little boys. Floods kitchen.

Fourth pile of crap: Surgery doesn't work, resulting in second surgery the following year. 3 more months on crutches. At least the boys are a year older now. Hubby still working weekends and evenings. Oh, and most holidays as well.

Fifth pile of crap:  You escape a round of education layoffs, only to have a disgruntled co-worker try to get you fired from a job you love and for which you work your butt off every day. Big, stressful, horrible investigation. Of course, you keep your job, but it really wasn't extra stress you needed.

Sixth pile of crap: Good friend dies after battling breast cancer for 3 years. She had just turned 40.

Seventh pile of crap: Heart-attack-like symptoms at work result in a rush to the hospital. You think you might finally get some rest, being in the hospital for that long, but they wake you up every hour or so to monitor your heart and other vitals. No sleep for two full days and nights. Turns out to be infection of the pericardium. (Have I mentioned that hubby still has that job that guarantees I am alone with my boys, without help, every weekend, after working a full-time job all week? I am a hermit. With two little hermits trailing behind me.) Cardiologist strongly recommends that I minimize my stress. I'll get right on that!

Eighth pile of crap: Hubby gets a lead on a great job, Monday through Friday. He's really perfect for it. Even has connections at the company. He makes it through the first round. I start to fantasize about what it would be like to be able to do things as a family again. He makes it through the second round. I start to fantasize about actually being able to make plans with friends and occasionally get a little time by myself to re-charge my battery. A week goes by. An email comes, letting him know the decision still hasn't been made. Then the call yesterday. Yes, of course, the universe crapped again. Someone else got the job.

So, while I know I have many wonderful things in my life, including two amazing little boys, and while I know that I have it so, so, SO much better than millions (probably billions) of other people in the world...I'm feeling sorry for myself. And, I'd like the universe to crap somewhere else for a while. Is that too much to ask?

By the way, if you're ever feeling like the universe is crapping all over your head, I highly recommend saying lots of bad words in the company of good friends. It helps immensely. Especially, if there's alcohol involved.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Real Situation

Ohhhhh noooooo.....Everyone weep. Everyone mourn. Everyone feel pity and empathy for "The Situation", because he's going into rehab for drug addiction. Geez, I know I've been sounding incredibly cynical lately (more so than usual), but are we seriously supposed to feel SORRY for this guy? He made a fortune by being a party guy on Jersey Shore, flaunting his abs, making out with hot girls, being paid to show up at parties and behave badly, and basically being the kind of smarmy, classless, disgusting guy our mothers warned us about. No, I haven't actually seen Jersey Shore, but I've seen enough little clips on Entertainment Tonight and other shows to have a pretty good feel for it. So, now, shockingly, this guy is heading to rehab. Didn't see that one coming. And, today, on Good Morning America, which actually used to be a show that had real news on it, they were saying how sorry they felt for this guy, how it's so hard for reality stars to live up to the characters they create on the screen, the pressures of it all, blah, blah, blah..... Are you kidding me? You want pressure? Work for a living. At a real job. Like teaching a class of 34 8th graders, all crammed into one room, because we keep cutting funding to education, while paying millions of dollars to idiots like this guy.

Sorry, dude, not feeling sorry for you. Not. One. Bit.